So obviously we all wonder ‘what WAS my resolutions for this year?’ some of us remember it by heart, almost like a mantra, but some of us (ahem) write resolutions for the sake of writing them. Yes, guilty as charged, I fall under the second category.
I scavenged my trusty xanga blog (which i have had for seven years now), only to find that I’ve only written in it about six times all of last year! WHAT was I doing all year?
The void was filled. That long empty void of being loved and to love in return, to feel safe within that soul’s presence. In short, (oh the irony) Ruben danced into my life, and that void that I used to distract myself with blogging, baking, clubbing (guilty) was instantly filled up. I do admit that filling up that void wasn’t easy at first, I had to balance assignments from uni, work and also my friends. Trust me, when you have all these things pouring into your life all at once, you will feel it.
I must admit, I have neglected certain areas of my life (my friends mainly) in order to sustain that first few ‘unsure’ months in my relationship. What could I do? I was (and am still) head over heals about this redhead. Which leads me to my first resolution: patch up my relationships. It was after speaking to a good friend that made me realize that I was a shit friend to a few individuals. “None of us adapted as well as you did, and no one will ever.” was the slap in the face. He was right, we started off as family, doing things together, growing and discovering together. It was very selfish of me to just run off into my own little world and neglect them. I am sure they are happy for me, but now it’s time to right the wrong and hope they will be happy WITH me.
In 2012, I have met many new people (mostly Ruben’s friends and from my masters) and have gotten close to a handful of them. The expression ‘But it’s Liz, that’s why’ seems to roll off people’s tongues ever so often. Even though it may not seem so on the outside, it is very hard for me to meet new people. I must admit, I always let my self confidence get the better of me. It is hard for me to maintain a conversation with someone when I take one look at a person and tell myself ‘this person will not like me and i will look like an awkward turtle standing next to them’. It is not easy being introduced to Ruben’s friend when I know 95% of them time, I have not much in common with them. That automatically makes me take a back step even before the conversation even starts. The fact that I care way too much about what other people think of me does also cloud my better judgments. With that said, the next resolution for myself is to not care so much about fitting in and just be myself. I know how corny that sounds, but it’s a lot easier said than done.
Another personal thing I would like to add on to the list is to get fit in 2013. I think I have pass the phase of wanting to look good to get people to like me. Ever since I’ve been with Ruben he has made me feel like a million bucks, even on my ‘juff days’. I suppose that is real love isn’t it? When you can feel like a Victoria Secret model even though you look like a fat furball a cat spat up, but that is besides the point. After going to a gym class with a friend, I realized I am terribly unfit. After the short 45 minute class, I was huffing and puffing like the big bad wolf trying ever so desperately to eat the last little piggy. I thought to myself ‘Oh God, I think even a five year old is more fit than me’, how am I suppose to keep up with them? Being an early childhood educator requires you to be in top condition, to literally catch up with the children. I imagined myself playing catch with my kindergarten class and pictured myself failing, with little four year olds sticking out their tongues at me. NO, I will NOT allow that to happen. Starting from the first of January, I am eating healthy, and getting fit!
I suppose the thing about resolutions is making a list of what you want to accomplish in the new year. I used to have a list of 20 things to do. Now looking back, I never accomplished even a quarter of the list, so three things are more than enough for me.
Enough about me, what are your resolutions for 2013?